Online dating scams: how to spot the red flags

Online dating scams are becoming more common, with scammers using fake profiles and emotional manipulation to target people looking for connection.
Learning the warning signs – such as avoiding in-person contact, moving too fast or asking for money – can help you spot a scam early.
If you’re worried you’ve been scammed, acting quickly by messaging Ceba in the CommBank app can help protect your accounts and give you support.

When 22-year-old Ruby* moved from rural NSW to study in Melbourne, she joined a dating app to meet someone who could show her the city. Jacob* was a few years older, grew up in country Victoria and was studying engineering at another uni. The pair began chatting regularly but when Ruby suggested meeting, Jacob said his nonna in Italy had fallen ill and he had to visit her.

Their calls continued and Jacob said Ruby was the first girl he’d felt a connection with. Six weeks later, Jacob called to say his nonna had died. Ruby comforted him – until he asked for $7000 to help pay for the funeral. “He said his mum couldn’t help and I already knew his dad died when he was six. But when I said I didn’t have the money, Jacob changed.” He started harassing her, demanding Ruby pay money into his cousin’s account. Calls and texts became aggressive until Ruby said she’d go to the police. After that, “Jacob” vanished.

“I didn’t lose any money but I felt so hurt. I’d shared personal stories with him and it sounds silly but I missed our talks. Finding out Jacob wasn’t who I thought he was was traumatic. It’s going to be a long time before anyone gets close to me again.” - Ruby*

The rise of online dating scams

Ruby’s story isn’t unusual – and she’s far from alone. Since 2020, young Australians have lost more than $26 million to dating and romance scams, according to Consumer Affairs Victoria. Most are targeted through dating apps, social media and text messages by scammers skilled at turning affection into manipulation.

Common warning signs

While scammers can sound genuine, there are some early warning signs to look out for when getting to know people online.

“Common tactics include using emotional pressure and manipulation. Scammers also usually avoid video or face-to-face contact.” - Dr Georgina O’Donnell, forensic and clinical psychologist.

They often have excuses for keeping things digital: a family emergency, a work trip or being overseas. “Scammers will create a convincing profile, often using stolen photos,” says O’Donnell. “They tend to move to private chat right away and will profess strong feelings quickly. They’ll invent emergencies and ask for money or they’ll ask for help with travel costs.” It’s also common for scammers to try to isolate their targets from loved ones or ask that the relationship stay secret. If someone you’ve never met wants to move fast or asks for money, that’s a major red flag.

How scammers use emotional manipulation

Beyond the obvious money requests, these scams are designed to feel deeply personal. Dr Kate Gould, a clinical neuropsychologist at Monash University and lead of the Cyberability project, says that scammers “look for vulnerable people – someone who’s moved away from home, is living in an unfamiliar place or doesn’t yet have strong friendship groups.”

They’ll connect based on supposed shared interests, such as travel or music, or a shared trauma. “Scammers will tell you things like ‘I bet my dog would love you’ or start a chat with a very eager message like ‘Hello amazingness’. It sounds flattering but it’s all about creating quick intimacy.” They play the long game by building trust, mirroring your interests and slowly weaving emotion into every message until it feels real.

The emotional impact of romance scams

These scams don’t only cost victims money, they cause distress, betrayal, anger and hurt. “There’s a dangerous amount of grooming and emotional manipulation used to build trust and convince a victim that the relationship is real,” says Gould. “The victim feels excited about their future and their emotions are genuine. When a scam comes to light, that comes crashing down. Some people are devastated and feel denial. They may get defensive about what’s happened.”

How to better protect yourself from online dating scams

Never send money or share personal details with anyone you haven’t met in person. If someone asks for money, stop contact immediately.
Do your research. Use Google reverse image search to check whether their photos appear elsewhere online.
Look for red flags. Fake profiles often use overly polished or blurry photos, have minimal personal information and very few social connections.
Be cautious with images. Avoid sharing personal or intimate photos that may be used for blackmail.
Chat with trusted friends or family about any potential online relationships to get their perspective.

Worried you’ve been scammed? Immediately message virtual assistant Ceba in the CommBank app. Ceba can help you lock your card and issue a new one quickly or connect you with a CommBank Safe specialist.

Published: 16 February 2026